How to Go to Confession
The sacrament of Penance — the tribunal of mercy in which Christ, acting through the priest, forgives sins that would otherwise damn you. Not therapy. Not a conversation. A sacrament.
Our Lord instituted this sacrament on Easter Sunday, when He breathed on the Apostles and said: "Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained" (John 20:23). The power to forgive — and to retain — requires that sins be told. A judge who does not know the case cannot render a verdict. This is why the Church has always insisted on the confession of sins by kind and number: the priest must know what he is absolving.
The Five Acts of the Penitent
The Council of Trent, in its fourteenth session (1551), defined three acts of the penitent as the quasi materia of the sacrament: contrition, confession, and satisfaction. Traditional catechesis — the Baltimore Catechism, the Catechism of St. Pius X, and countless confessional manuals — expands these into five practical steps, adding the examination of conscience (which is preparatory) and the firm purpose of amendment (which is integral to contrition). These five steps, each necessary for a valid and fruitful confession, are as follows.
1. Examination of Conscience
Before entering the confessional, you must know what you have done. This requires a serious examination — not a casual glance at the past week, but a methodical review of your actions, omissions, thoughts, and desires against the Commandments and the precepts of the Church.
Use a printed examination of conscience. The one based on the Ten Commandments is standard and thorough. Go through each commandment and ask yourself honestly where you have failed. Pay particular attention to the First Commandment (sins against faith, superstition, neglect of prayer), the Fifth (anger, hatred, scandal), the Sixth and Ninth (all sins of impurity in thought, word, and deed), and the Eighth (lies, detraction, calumny). Do not rush this. A confession is only as good as the examination that precedes it.
2. Contrition
Contrition is sorrow for sin. Without it, there is no valid confession — no matter how complete the list of sins or how eloquent the telling.
The Church distinguishes two kinds:
Perfect contrition (contritio) arises from the love of God — sorrow because you have offended the One who is infinitely good and deserving of all love. Perfect contrition, when joined to at least the desire for confession, remits even mortal sin before the sacrament is received. This is the contrition of the saints.
Imperfect contrition (attritio) arises from less noble motives — fear of hell, fear of punishment, the ugliness of sin. It is real sorrow, but its motive is less pure. Imperfect contrition is sufficient for the valid reception of the sacrament, but it is not sufficient outside the sacrament. This distinction matters gravely: if you are in mortal sin and cannot get to confession, an act of perfect contrition with the intention to confess as soon as possible is your lifeline. An act of imperfect contrition alone, without the sacrament, does not restore grace.
Strive for perfect contrition always. Begin your act of contrition with love, not fear.
3. Firm Purpose of Amendment
You must intend not to sin again. This does not mean you must be certain you will succeed — the Church knows human weakness. But you must sincerely resolve to avoid the sin and to avoid the occasions that lead to it. A confession without a firm purpose of amendment is invalid. If you walk into the confessional planning to commit the same sin again, you are not confessing — you are performing a ritual without its substance.
4. Confession of Sins
All mortal sins must be confessed by kind (what the sin was) and number (how many times). If you cannot remember the exact number, give an honest approximation — "about once a week for several months" is acceptable when precision is impossible. Deliberately concealing a mortal sin renders the entire confession invalid, and the concealment itself becomes an additional mortal sin — sacrilege against the sacrament. Every sin confessed after a sacrilegious confession must be re-confessed in a subsequent valid confession, along with the sacrilege.
Venial sins need not be confessed, but it is profitable to confess them. Many regular penitents confess venial sins as a matter of course, and the practice deepens self-knowledge and humility.
Be specific. "I was impure" is insufficient — the priest needs to know what kind of impurity and in what manner. "I lied" is a start — but a lie that damaged someone's reputation is a different sin from a casual falsehood. Speak plainly. The priest has heard everything. Nothing you say will shock him, and his obligation of the seal of confession is absolute and inviolable. He cannot reveal what he has heard under any circumstances, even under threat of death.
5. Satisfaction (Penance)
The priest assigns a penance — prayers, acts of charity, or other works — that the penitent must perform after receiving absolution. This is not punishment; it is medicinal. It is ordered toward the repair of the damage done by sin and the strengthening of the soul against future sin. Perform the penance as soon as reasonably possible. Failure to perform the assigned penance is itself a sin, though it does not invalidate the absolution already received.
In the Confessional
Enter the confessional and kneel (or sit, if a face-to-face option is available, though the traditional practice is behind the screen). Begin:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [length of time] since my last confession. These are my sins:"
State your sins clearly. When finished:
"For these and all my sins, I am heartily sorry."
The priest may offer brief counsel. He will then assign your penance and ask you to make an act of contrition. The traditional form:
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen."
The priest then pronounces the formula of absolution. In the traditional rite, the Latin form:
"Dominus noster Jesus Christus te absolvat; et ego auctoritate ipsius te absolvo ab omni vinculo excommunicationis et interdicti, in quantum possum et tu indiges. Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."
"Our Lord Jesus Christ absolve you; and by His authority I absolve you from every bond of excommunication and interdict, insofar as I am able and you have need. Then, I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
At these words, your sins are forgiven. The state of grace is restored. This is not a metaphor. This is what actually happens.
How Often
The Church's minimum obligation is once a year, during the Easter season, if one is conscious of mortal sin (the "Easter duty," as prescribed by the Fourth Lateran Council in 1215 and restated in canon law). But the minimum is not the ideal. The saints went to confession weekly. St. Pius X recommended frequent confession. The practice of regular confession — every week or every two weeks, even when only venial sins are present — is the single most effective means of growth in the spiritual life short of the Eucharist itself.
Do not wait until you are in mortal sin. Go regularly. Go often. The sacrament is not only for emergencies; it is for the steady, disciplined purification of the soul.
If you have been away from confession for years — or decades — do not let fear keep you away. The priest is bound to receive you with charity. Make your examination, walk in, and begin. The confessional is not a courtroom where you are condemned; it is the tribunal where you are forgiven. Our Lord waits there. Go.